This started a personal Facebook post as I sat and stared at the New York State Amateur Hockey Association statement below saying they canceled States in line with USA Hockey’s decisions to cancel Nationals, I felt the need to put this post in a more permanent place so this post as born and put under a heading I have written a few other “Mom” posts.
I am saddened for the all players who worked so hard…including my older son’s 16U Rebels team.
I am not arguing right or wrong….this is not a post about was the right call made or even about the epidemiology of the virus…
This is the post about the emotions of a mom and the challenge of helping children process the world around them, the emotions swirling around this uncharted territory causing fear and anxiety in our children.
As the parent of a heartbroken young man I am struggling to find the words to help him process this unprecedented event.
His team set a goal….heck they wear One Goal on their practice jerseys … they fought hard all season to achieve that goal and had a laser focus on achieving that goal. They spent months (some would argue years) making decisions, not sacrificed but conscious decisions in the pursuit of that goal.
This season the parents of these young men were able to witness amazing determination by this great group of boys.
Yes, adversity builds character, yes, they should be grateful for their health, yes, life isn’t fair and yes, sometimes you just have to adjust your sails …. and I am sure some reading this (or commenting to one of the boys) will say “it’s just a game.” But for these boys it was more than that, it was the manifestation of their hard work and a goal they wanted to achieve for themselves.
This is video of that team moments before the Championship photo above, the boys rallied down from 1 to 0 to tie the game with less than 5 minutes in regulation and then in this play that highlights the boys teamwork they WON the Long Island Championship in DOUBLE OVERTIME. 🥇
At the time the boys saw this win as a next step, because Nationals (Nattys) was the ONE GOAL; they did have have big smiles but I don’t think they took the moment in as much because for the boys it was one step.
I am very THANKFUL a parent did get the OT winner on tape.
So my heart breaks as they won’t get this opportunity back and at this age youth hockey is coming to an end for most. I hope in time they boys find great joy and pride in what they accomplished this season.
With a heavy heart I plan to hug my boys and remind them we have much to be grateful for but right now I also know need to allow them to feel ALL the feelings.
ALL the feelings as this continues to unfold will likely include fear and anxiety at levels most have never seen before.
Our children get news on their phones, including many news outlets with a presence on SnapChat. They are also seeing and hearing a lot of misinformation as this situations unfolds in real-time. Helping these developing minds process fear, anxiety and reality from panic may be the new norm for sometime for parents.
So, I have reached out so some experts I know.
Doreen Marshall, PhD Vice President of Programs at The American Foundation of Suicide Prevention provided this advise “I would help the children focus on what they can control in all of this and also the temporary nature of what’s happening. Their disappointment is certainly understandable and validating that—“This definitely sucks and I’m disappointed too.”
She also shared this information from the CDC “Mental Health and Coping During COVID-19.”
And a child psychologist said Freeing Your Child from Anxiety by Tamar Chansky is not a perfect fit for the corona virus outbreak but should offer some help to parents.
I hope that as some distance comes between the events ongoing as the result of the corona virus that this post will sit as a snapshot of the emotions but that than it will be a beacon of the strength from moving forward, from the power in creating a different path from the one you envisioned for yourself.
Maybe in time there is that great lesson…. maybe a lesson about the greater good or being a great global citizen or maybe we inspire the next great philanthropist or maybe this breeds the next amazing scientist among our youth.
Thank you for listening to this rambling teary eyed Mom.
Kathleen Bylsma
Absolutely correct re the kids….applies to all the youth teams who’ve worked so hard for the chance. The good side is they can realize just how to deal with the unexpected in a graceful fashion.
Thank you for the recommendations and column
Candice Royer
They can look at their season and be proud. Never stop looking at what was accomplished. Never diminish what was achieved for what “could have been.”
Look at it this way.
If this virus were instead affecting youth instead of seniors and they were all facing the possibility of death, what then? Should they face it with the complaint that they didn’t do this or that? Or face it bravely by celebrating every achievement they made?
Have a party for them, even if how it happens is everyone joins by Facebook Live. Have a victory party, and remind them that their one goal should really be the next level.
So they couldn’t play this championship, but what’s next? What’s the next level? Even if it’s not hockey, celebrate the next goal of each player in their life’s journey. Because *life* is so very precious. We only get one. One life. (One goal — to get through it alive. And I know you understand how precious that statement is.) So what’s their next step in their success story? Or steps? Make a board to display them all, with little trophy stickers or emblems for when each young man achieves his next step. A white board or chalkboard? So you can change it after each goal is met, and the trophy could be a magnet or on Velcro that’s moved into place when they succeed. If they adjust course, they can just adjust their goal. This could be a way to stay together for years to come. It gives them something to take their minds off what’s going on if they’re thinking on what to put on the board and a date for when it should be achieved.
Just an idea that just came to me as I was typing this. It may be helpful. It may not. Or maybe it can spark ideas of your own.
I wish them luck. It’s not the end because, you’re right. Life hasn’t ended. They can set many more goals in their lives. They have things to celebrate, including that life. All the best to you and yours.
Candice